Huzzah! I Have Comedy Central and Fox News!

Due to my incessant need to channel flip during commercials, I mistakenly typed in the numbers 41 into my remote and, to my amazement, saw Bill Freaking O'Reilly, live and in person. After a few minutes of furious yellin' from Papa Bear, I realized that I get Fox News (well, 75% of Fox News. It's a little fuzzy, kind of like watching scrambled porn, but for some reason it feels dirtier). I then decided to systematically go through each of my television channels, one by one, (my remote doesn't obey the up/down function) and found out that I also have Comedy Central, channel 98. The irony of it all! Now, to recap, I will be keeping a journal of what I see on channels 2-19.
I will include:
total number of Tim and Eric-like commercials,
and their descriptions, if needed,
channel 41, Fox News,
channel 98, Comedy Central,
and any other observations I feel
will help your experience in reading this blog

Common Sucks

Tonight, Common was on two channels at once, being interviewed by Tavis Smiley on PBS and Jimmy Kimmel on ABC. In both interviews, within a span of about two minutes of each other, he says, "I'm like his right-hand man," referring to his role aside Christian Bale, in the new Terminator movie. Not only do both interviews feel like their scripted, Common seems like he's struggling to remember his lines or speak in general. On PBS, in reference to his role in Terminator, he said, "the machines we're fighting against is so symbolic for stuff." That line is verbatim. Also, worth noting: Queen Latifa and Common are to star in a romantic comedy together. For someone who is supposed to be a well-spoken, poetic-type rapper, he seems like a bumbling fool on both of these shows.

May 20, 2009 12:15AM-1:30AM

Highlights:

Started on:
Channel 11
Jimmy Fallon's failure of a monologue.
The Roots are great for the six seconds they're on air.
Someone sent in a youtube video of a Jimmy Fallon Dance.
I love America.

Flipped to:
Channel 4
Mike Tyson on Jimmy Kimmel
Mike Tyson bit from The Hangover. Hehe, bit.
Zach Galifianakis gets punched in the face by Mike Tyson. I will see this.
Eminem is back. He has a new song with a line about boobies.
They keep cutting to a group of really ugly chicks. This sucks.
Buuuuuuuut Eminem, Mike Tyson, and Jimmy Kimmel standing together to end the show make up for the deplorable song.

Flipped to:
Channel 3
Craig Ferguson: Marking strange grunting noise.###
Kathy Griffin on Craig Ferguson. Her face make-up is falling off.
She is talking about doing coke off people's asses.

Flipped to:
Channel 4
Pioneer Magazine: Hosted by Mary Jo Cranmore
Western Mass. Health!

Flipped to:
Channel 6
Show Title: Crime
Busty blond prostitute in southern prison.
She went to bathroom. Came out with more cleavage showing.
Pudgy cop argues with the prostitute. I didn't need to take a sociology class. This is enough.
Well, she was actually a drunk, who passed out at the wheel, with a kid in the backseat.
One thing worth noting: she claimed she was "not as bad as Bin Laden."

Channel 6
Law and Order Something Something Something
The dock cop from the second season of the Wire is on and she's not a great actress here.

Flipped to Channel 5
Iron and Wine on Jimmy Fallon
Sam Beam? Jim Beam? Kareem?
His voice is Sufjan Stevens high. Uh-fucking-oh.
The last album, The Shepherd's Dog or something, was good.
Is he covering an Antony tune?
Sam is well-groomed. This is not something I'll ever want to hear again.

And The Roots TEAR IT APART!

Paul Blart Mall Cop Commercials: 1

Total of Tim and Eric-type Commercials: 2


###=Channel-surfed to Spanish Channel 19, then returned to channel